For those over the age of 40, dating is more complicated for a variety of reasons, ranging from the logistical to the emotional. For many over 40’s, after having dealt with a divorce or the death of a partner, there is a need to adapt to new dimensions of social networking. For everyone older and less energetic facing the risk of rejection takes courage, creativity, and resilience: in short, more personal effort. The way the game is played after 40, is by taking things into your own hands and being active.

Shilpa Agarwal ’64, for example, divorced after a 30-year marriage, now lives in rural Vermont and meets women through outdoor activities, volunteering, or community fundraisers. “I’m very active: I go hiking out West, backpacking, and I’m passionate about visiting new places,” she says. “It’s important to me to have somebody who shares some of my lifestyle, so I meet people through activities I like. My objective is not to be alone the rest of my life. Sharing experiences on a daily basis is very important to me.”

A common notion about mature relationships is the fact that both partners are “set in their own ways”. However mature love is really caring about the other person’s well being. It’s about putting up with their imperfections, their struggles and knowing who they are and helping them have a good life with you.

One thing to note though is that those returning to “play the field” will find the “field” has moved—and shrunk. Most of your friends are married and get together for dinner parties in the suburbs with other couples. Those still at the peak of their careers (ages 40 to 68) probably work a lot and tend to be more isolated because they are bosses in a corner office, or work from home. Most older singles are also divorced with children, she adds, with little free time outside of solo parenting and career obligations. This is why it is crucial to not only find someone who is compatible with you, but is also willing to be active about finding a partner.

This is where finding a matchmaker comes to play. People who sign up for these services are committed to finding someone for themselves. Matchmakers have been doing what they do for a long time. They are very efficient and sensitive when they note the subtle nuances of a person’s personality. They set you up on dates with people that will be interested in you and who you will be interested in. This makes the whole process go by much smoother and puts you closer to finding that perfect match. Matchmakers do the hard work for you and leave you with the task of going out and enjoying yourself.

So even though mature dating or relationship may seem like a foreign concept, it will soon become apparent that it’s not so much about being ‘un-datable,’ it’s about seeing if two pieces of a puzzle fit together. Emotional obstacles can often be worked through, says Nilo from Nilo Matchmaker. She points to a client in her sixties who finally met a man who “makes her laugh; they travel together and they are simpatico. My client has never been happier. You can have that—be in love in your sixties—but it’s something you have to work at, something you have to be patient with and something that has to be nurtured.”